How to release from the fear of being ALONE and of JUDGMENT.
Many walking the path into the depths of themSELVES find themselves in spaces of feeling “alone”, and lonely.
Paradoxically, their attention is deeply fixated on the opinions of other selves, and the fears of judgment and being “cast down” from the tribe/community/family ( a very primal instinct).
This article is going to assist you in ACCEPTING the reality of one being ALONE on this journey, provide a clear sight through the illusion of the fear of judgement, and of course in paradoxical nature assist you in having the RIGHT people desire to be with you, around you and connected with you.
Of course, the feelings of loneliness, judgment etc are exactly this. Primal protection instincts of the body, and primarily the identification of ego as body. An attachment to the survival need of “other selves”, the desire for connection. the need to be accepted. All for the sake of prolonging ones life on this planet, seeing that from a primal sense, one needs to be a part of a community to survive.
We know logically though however, that many in the modern world are not in a life or death situation if they are not with their tribe or family, resting alone in a deep space of inward seeking. We are priveledged to be able to take the time to do this in a somewhat “safer” way.
Though, the reality is, the idea of this requirement for alone time / solitude / renunciation along the inward path has little to do with what is occurring externally.
Many on the inward path have spoken of the nature of even being surrounded by “community” yet still experiencing this depth of loneliness / feeling alone. Why is this?
Well, the nature of this path is an inward realization that you truly ARE alone. Though we are pointing far beyond the topic of this individual, personal body/mind self. We are speaking of you, alone as the ONE SELF. The one self , (some refer to as god) in which is boundless, everywhere and everything. The self in which is NEVER truly alone, as life itself, the living energy, the living being, is flowing through you, around you and AS you.
There is also a clear distinction made here between the FEELING of loneliness, and truly being ALONE. One is an illusion of feeling, the other is just the reality.
There is a natural desire and need for connection with others, in which is not to be suppressed Though one will inevitably see the truth of their solitude inwardly as the deepen on their journey. The requirement to ACCEPT this truth as the foundation of our life, walking alone, in solitude void of attachment and dependency on anything perceived as “outside”.
This perception of “outside” is simply the Minds way of creating the illusion of separation, casting one down from the throne of the ONE SELF, and into the world of illusionary egoic individual identity.
The mind fears the “concept” of oneness because it is not possible for it to ever grasp it.
ONENESS can only be experienced, and thus one must let go of the attachment and identification with mind, with the idea that there are all of these “others”, that “other” are potentially dangerous or “out to get them” , along with all of the other fears in which arise when there are perceived others in one’s view.
So do we see where the fear of judgment comes in?
That in which we FEAR is that in which is CURRENTLY being created. Otherwise, it would not be present.
One’s fear of Judgment is simply our manifested belief that others are “separate” from ourselves. Thus we feel lonely, in our spiritual healing hut of despair, and emotional pain ( :D).
One is also afraid to embody our new perspectives in day to day life, communicating and living one’s truth, Much due to the reason that they are actively seeing their “spiritual” self as “separate” from the others. These others who may be perceived as not spiritual, or who simply “do not get it”.
Again, a self fulfilling prophecy of one resisting the actual direct experience of spirituality, unconditional love and seeing ALL AS THE SELF (or God, whichever term suits you). Instead, it is easier to perceive the other “not spiritual” selves, and rest away from these perceived others, with a deep fear of judgment underneath… or in other words, a reflection of the judgment one has cast on to “others”.
This naturally leads to many cycles of perpetuating challenges within relationships, as one is un-willing to deeply surrender to the inner truth that all of these perspectives, fears, etc. are simply one’s own beliefs and karmic debris in which is clearing.
Ultimately, is is still an identification with the false identity, and thus keeps even a thin veil of separation between themselves and the perceived “others”.
This infiltrates all areas of life and limits one from embodying their truth in higher forms, and inevitably coming to the realization of THEMSELVES.
So What Can We Practice?
All practices continue to come back to that of Self-Inquiry, which we will cover in its complete form in another article.
For now, broken down with clarity (from the teachings of Ramana Maharshi and Ramaji) :
- Actively Isolating the I-Thought ( which is the simple silent though of I-exist) from all other thoughts.
- Resting in this I-Exist, or the I AM beyond words. Your very own being as Awareness itself.
- Abiding totally as this I AM – which generally brings you to the spiritual heart on the right, where your true essence rests within the body.
This process is done in regular meditation-like practice form, but also throughout the day as a perpetuating practice that begins to consume you totally and completely.
You can still actively live, while simultaneously “doing” this practice.
Now, more specifically to this article. A practice that I have found is deeply profound within relationships relates with this process of “coming back home”.
Broken down as such.
- When you feel your attention move to the ideas of an “other” we identify firstly the depth of the feeling/emotion in which arises as it does in the body.
- We then pull our attention away from ALL thoughts (this takes practice) of this perceived other, and to our very own BEING and FEELING state. NOTE: You are coming back to YOUR sense of being in which is void of perceptions of any other. With this you may need to move THROUGH the negative feelings/emotions that are associated with this very moment.
- We do this perpetually though the day as ANY thoughts or ideas arise about a perceived other. In doing so we completely cut the energy cord that is draining our attention and ability to experience the bliss of the SELF 4. Repast as necessary, practice regularly.
You can see, this is no different, and can be used as the primary self-inquiry method. The principles are the same, ALL ideas are to be ignored. Though this applies I feel directly to relationships and is very practice for those reading.
Much of this practice lends itself to the question.. “I still want relationships in my life”.
Sure, we all do. Though the reality is, many have become ADDICTED to relationships and the drama of “otherness”. If you are no longer satisfied with this, and seeing that this just hasn’t “worked” for you, I implore you to dive deeper into what is being pointed to here, and see what you find.
Remember. Practice, Practice, Practice with INFINITE patience.
Patience does not have a time line YOU do not get to decide when it “should” be done with. Let the flames of this introspection burn you up.
Feel free to leave your questions or comments below.
PS. Of course our 5 Day Relationship Video Course has certainly been a hit when it comes to this topic. You can Gain Access HERE.